Thursday, September 25, 2008

Ebb & Flow.

Despair, when there's nothing to like,
vanity, the death of excessive pride.
And then you put yourself in my shoes,
trifling a matter, vulnerable an excuse.
Pique'd, I submitted to the uncombed tress,
it sounds naive but it was comfortable distress;
and the look matched more than your dress,
infirm with stress, inadequate in caress.
Lest we broke out of those confines
and made ourselves susceptible;
to the withering shadows of doubt that
only stretched to become as loud.
For nonplussed, excitement is as
demeaning, as you not responding.

Maybe the size did alter and you grew,
out of my shoes. Terrific, in effect. but,
it is this tranquil which ceases to exist.
Establishing calmer demeanor, dispirit;
one found slow nonchalance on self merit.
and that is what you came across,
cleaning all of the unbridled moss,
as what gathered by stones can be dusted;
unlike metal, they don't get rusted.
And the rust is what we pine for most,
when opposed, we slowly corrode and
become equal partners in dying minutes.

You realized then and struck a discordant tune,
slipped out of this desert, a steady sand dune.
I now know that we win little, overall we lose,
you could've stuck but for a fresh pair of shoes.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Anguish, In Talk.

6:37 AM
me: Its not that I want you back on gmail. I just need someone in this conversation.

6:38 AM
Its not really as simple as it seems. Life as we know it or atleast I did, does not exist anymore.

6:39 AM
you can have a cigarette after cigarette after cigarette, but it would not come to much. Its not again, like I dont know how you feel but it is the anonymity of it all that makes this want so complex.

6:40 AM
try not sleeping. i dont even self enforce it. it just becomes.

6:41 AM
moment after moment becomes engulfed in this..
i cant find those perfect words to finish sentences
dont even try wondering why i have been writing all this. as i said, and in the mail too, you just know there is eventually human existence on the other side

6:42 AM
but you dont desire response. the situation is such
i didnt wish to call you last to last night but somehow, i just did
and then what became might sound like you might think i was being foolish but i have to get out
its not the change in life. people dont get it.

6:43 AM
i cant even use the excuse that i am better off than most people. i cant. iv been living with below parity through the past 6 years atleast, i wont even say "i want to kill myself"

6:44 AM
however stupid it might sound, i just dont say it just because death sounds romantic to me. it doesnt. it most certainly is immaculately frightful, but when someone is mid way on the bridge, and knows it might crumble, he mostly turns back

6:45 AM
i am getting over most
i wont walk straight for sure
i will stand ground as neither way is enterprising anymore, neither way will wipe off none of the dissatisfaction that is being absorbed by me, from the environment

6:46 AM
reverse imges
*images. I had a lovely few minutes and that does not mean i feel good now

6:47 AM
superficial and technical lies are all around. all to see. glue. i know someone was talking to me. i am not retarded. i can sense
i feel like a reply when i do

6:48 AM
i tell you whats wrong with me. in a nutshell, everything. between the windows of this hall, where the winds are debarred from entrance

this whole fucking protection deal is a fucking gimmick. i am not even close to sensationalization

6:49 AM
i am not too close to home.
its been near to 15 minutes
but i dont mind it
its equal to 5

6:50 AM
think about sitting all alone, day after day, not wanting to communicate
i cant explain. there are so many yet no one. i will wait. im used to it. iv written enough and im happy you were not here.

please reply.

6:52 AM
ok, don't. I am never talking to you again.

6:58 AM
there?

Written.

What cannot be put to words, a tide of meandering times?
Resigned and happening, this funny pain of mine.
Raptures of cold wind flow sympathy breeze aghast,
a forth into the future, sliding anti ze past.

This zoic undertow of sadness, misery compounded to interest.
The speed at which it proceeds, described in incremental earnest,
Easily explained fallacies, these rapid rhymes of mine,
Slowing down in chorus and syntax of semantic designs.

Shrouded and subdued for sure, pondering in self-apathy,
Meaningless notions captured this disdain for mutual agony.
Silent questions that cease, impact on my heavy knees,
rapid stir in emancipation, a touch of unsettling ease.

Not warm in love, my pensive thoughts inclined,
she flatters for a moment, and then disappears in the light.
Holding off my charm, a sudden guilt to find,
Can't evict at most a yes, this want so turbine.

I lay in fate, ordained to fact, minimum reach,
miniscule doubt o'er self, inculcating these.
This matin lamp I make use of, say for you,
at night, blistering through the sodden tube,
extracting me, these dreams in portions,
these lucid tales and the certain stories all anew.

Prompt talk, she moves hispidity through sand,
she isn't who she thinks I am, a accompanying hand.
I confuse her to believe, via mutual diasyrm,
patronizing as slight dark becomes honorably dim.

My deluded eyes and falling lies, deaf on her ears,
she takes the most out of me, resolution for future fear.
Changing, as the dusk reives off my property,
this intrepid failure so potrayed and free,
Pungent on improvising dreams and sled,
Cancer rummaging through the off beat needs.

The northwestern earth, torrential rain,
anti season, an attempt to ridicule again.
Cynical touch to words, I write so juxtaposed,
Make my literature, uninspired and unopposed.

The sky could have a gay daughter he said,
agonizingly close to purulent watershed.
Haplessly arranged, so in arbit diagrams,
pursued choices, and abolished transient exams.
This thaw to break the mud, simple brush of arrogant paint,
nostalgic passage of beautiful days, this pain that I feign.
Dust off the needle, that sweeps through me hence,
rubbishing every claim, made for reference.

Graphic tabluex of living culture, discovered,
her writings in these sculptures I uncovered.
Ridden of this town for yore, sodden so in titillation,
tarnished, these words i use to exact sensation.

She must be sleeping, at this time of the hour,
My thoughts revolve, grasping as I tear me apart.
Words so golden, perched on enchanting cries,
mellow scripts, and liquidized highs.

The static determined, unmoved and grown,
riddled in coma, a sober state of stone.
Utmost literati ties, stale shrills in the vigil,
recall the savant's thoughts, what lives has to kill.

Truculent a taste, her imagination ever vivid,
grammar in error, ineffective and insipid.
I tremble too, because the misfortune is mine,
bellicose and immaterial, my celestial nine.

Stranded at place, those awful tar ridden streets,
a recluse in slow motion, to our handmade greed.

Many a person that never could a come,
these echoes of screams, paling and numb.
Said cessation of sensation, normal I perceive
banished ovation, what is not our to keep.

Is she that shall walk away, into the funny skies,
rounds of smiles sail, it's its gay daughter's delight.
Caused phobia through dyspeptics, my shalimar of choice,
gloom lifts over movement, as fickle minds rejoice.
Hardly could they make, acute tales so obtuse,
death in the darkness, when life becomes an excuse.
Blue concussion of dreams, narrow nerves intertwine,
a palpable amount of color, red to determine.

Her love cannot be seen, cachinnating through fake gloss,
lips numb in gratitude, conveyors fell the loss.
Rich Fur's delight, audible melodies of overture,
blood cell by blood cell, nutshell in a corpture.

Carrying this heart in cachet, limping to succeed,
her desire is but a want, requisition incase I need.
In sun soaked noon, temperamental vignette we share,
furnished forms of life, due diligence to care.
Minor reams of sanity, pursuing in these rivers,
streams with unfound solitude, autumn in this shiver.

Sad keeps similitude, an eternal repulsive life,
mere mortality bears forgiveness, a chance so denied,
Persisting juvenilia, probability to make knowledge,
her visage lifts gloom's veil, efferent and hedged.

Visual glossaries of time, pending crafted chimes,
Sadistic tilted jaunts, an end to these rhymes.
What's brought down in seconds, ogives burst at sight,
scared on narceine, arbitrary drug induced so tight.

Stiff and laden, with a shadow's glimpse of form,
subtle pursuit ex-gratis, acronym to the norm.
Cabinets of letters, niellist and decorated beneath,
Zenith in this emotion, this poetry I bequeath,

Not for longer, shall I write, these words don't make sense,
Naive glitterati so tepid, hallucination in essence.
Sunshine so bleak in the early morning clouds to feed,
I lie all ravished, prosaic and seemingly in need,
Collecting droplets of rain, harnessed to seem profound,
ever enamored by lexicons, and drowning in abstract sound.

Nicotine parade, old predicaments lost in choice,
An iota of truth, vulnerable and stuck in my voice.
Whispering to be heard, authentic depravity in lieu,
depiction of practicality, lost in the jilted queue.

Chronic facade that lifts me away, this unsettled chaos,
rifting through an exodus; of nonvascular, green moss.
Lunatic on the fringe, contemplating all from behind,
an overdone negativity, my pessimistic frame of mind.

Description anonymous, trying to get out of it,
residue of negligence, arranging pieces that never did fit.
Termined and ruled, laconically arranged in thy head,
Speculating sans options, growth so widespread.

Words become hard to come, losing out in scope,
my gripe is never ending, slipping in verbose hope.
Vernacular mention of the hilt, moral consolation,
her vitative thought of all, me running out of patience.

Steps about in askance, ze squint so timid and weary,
blindness in this study light, insight begs me merry.
Infected to vociferate, pleading with aware eyes,
color coded and caustic, nonchalant thaw in ice.

Spoken, laded with drama and compatible reservation,
reason my rhetoric style, stigmata from conversation.
Her obstinate resolve, an intricate need to be near,
seduced in alphabets, semi content in behaviour.
No subtance in talk, dispersed in the same abstract sound,
happiness appears only to get lost, life's merry-go-around.
Effective expression in words, horrid facets of sleep,
nimiety of particulars, a stoic appearance she keeps.

Rumination in delight, impassiveness in atheistic doctrine,
dilapidated concerns, in tandem to existing needs.
Listen as I submerge, this inconsistent elliptical hypocrisy,
ridiculed in a fist to calumniate, what is this, isn't explained easily.