Inadequate.

At times one remains faithful to a cause only because its opponents do not cease to be insipid.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

I do not do much. I do promise a lot though. I have never meant the words "yup, i'll take care of it". It should suffice to say, that I do say it often. Somehow, the whole laziness reaches zenith and I find myself not doing anything, minutes ticking away with due diligence. But yesterday, I found myself arguing about arbit positioning of stuff, and I have been doing that for weeks now. I realized I have actually fought for some very useless things through my life, that were of no specific value addition but I did them only because I had made up my mind to. I wonder if that is exactly how those foolish NGOs feel. That now that they have dedicated their cause despite being suppressed by a superior someone, they might as well continue as they have not much to do otherwise. So they sit in protest, stand in unison, collide to mock the others, and then go back to rest. Similarities apart, I am on this whole drama creation spree all alone and I am now beginning to get very sick of the whole abundance of cliched conversations and arguments. Soon, sanity will prevail and I will dedicate my time to things that will make my life a better life to live.

For long, I have done unto others what has not been done to me, but what constitutes mere amusement. The austerity with which I approach can leave them baffled for a few minutes. Sublime verses are said galore and I manage to take control. Going from underdog to dictatorship can encompass a whole set of emotions. And it is when I look down upon those, those whose life is at its nadir, I heave a sigh of relief, and tell myself I could not have possibly done a better job. Thinking in the negative has always come easy to myself. The whole pessimistic approach to life eventually helps get me more brownie points than I could have otherwise sought. Now when I sit down, total and see how many i did manage to accumulate, I get a sense of satisfaction but at the same time, I end up resigning to the sameness, the stillness, and the gloom that has now condensed. The clouds of which resonate. They shriek and shout and scream. And they burst in agony. I will not fall for it.

Because within, I know I will continue to ruin, myself more than what I do to others. Somber an existence, finite is this living.